Monday, November 8, 2010

The Pilot Episode

There are moments in life that stop us cold and make us ask, “Ummm… did that really just happen?”  It’s a bazaar setting that leaves you feeling like you’re living in a TV sitcom.   One of these moments happened to me recently.
Dating hasn’t been easy for me.  I tried dating right after the divorce but quickly realized that I wasn’t ready.  I’m finally at a place where I feel that I have healed enough to date without bringing junk into a new relationship.  I had no idea how difficult this dating thing was going to be.  NIGHTMARE! 
Granted, there were a few that didn’t work simply because we were in two different places in life or wanted different things out of life.  I’m actually friends with them now.  It’s those dates that leave you wondering why God would allow this moment to actually take place that births the surreal, TV sitcom moments.  The kind of dates where you are sitting across the table at a restaurant trying desperately to seem interested while frantically negotiating with God in your head! 
                God, if you make the next 30 minutes pass by in 30 seconds I PROMISE I will never gossip again! After I tell everyone about this date of course.

                Lord Jesus, I love you!  I promise I’ll never cry and whine to you about being alone again if you could just please let there be a bomb threat like RIGHT NOW so this date can end.  Just a THREAT! 

Then there are the ones that seem to be great.  Seemingly great guy, great career, says he‘s a Christian…   MmmHmm
We will call him Bob.  Bob was interested in me.  I knew of Bob but never really considered going out with him because… well, to be completely honest I didn’t think I would be the type of girl Bob would be interested in.  He is a very good-looking, clean cut, well spoken, successful man.  I’m just a simple girl who measures success in joy and not in money, fame, or toys.
PAUSE: Yes, I know I just generalized and stereotyped all good-looking, clean cut, well spoken, successful men and the type of women they date.  Yes, I do know my worth.  However, I am human and do walk in the flesh from time to time. 
So, when Bob confessed to me that he had wanted to ask me out for quite some time because he saw what a “loving and genuine woman” I was, I accepted.  I was impressed that he saw my heart.  Then I became very nervous when I found out that he was a successful pilot!  Can you say OUT OF MY LEAGUE!?  Against my better judgment, I pushed those doubts out of my way and took a chance.  After all, I AM a princess!  My Father is the King of kings!  And I was strong now.  Come what may, I knew I would be fine.  So, our first date was set.
He planned a picnic at Hurricane Shoals park.  I had never been before but a picnic at a park sounded fabulous.  As I pulled in, the scene took my breath away.  It is the most beautiful patch of land guarded by a rustic split rail fence.  In the center stands a white, one-room church surrounded by several buildings all relocated from different farms in the county.  All donated to the historical society and preserved so beautifully.  We walked through a covered bridge to a picnic area and ate our lunch next to the river.  It couldn’t have been a more perfect date!  Even the conversation was interesting and easy.  It wasn’t until we were getting back into our cars that I realized he was sliding into a Mercedes.  A little uneasy but I wasn’t going to assume things just because he was a pilot… who drove a Mercedes…
Things were going great.  He was always complimenting me.  We spoke on the phone, text, and emailed every day.  After our third date, I was feeling optimistic yet guarded.  I was way too smart to just open myself up to someone so quickly!  Yet things seemed to be going well so I allowed myself to be a little excited. 
The funny thing about focusing on our strengths… the enemy remains focused on our weaknesses.
I received a text from Bob the next day. Yes… a TEXT.  Unfortunately I erased the original text however; a few of the followers of this blog were able read the text first hand and will be able to attest to my interpretation.
Bob felt it would be best if we didn’t go any further in this “relationship” because he just couldn’t see himself having an intimate relationship with me.  He said that he fell for my heart and the way I truly cared about people but “desire [d] a relationship with someone with a certain physical appearance.  He actually said that he wanted to base a relationship on physical appearance and then grow to love their heart.  Bob was also kind enough to tell me that he REALLY tried to… oh how did he put it??? Basically, he said he tried to look past my way less than perfect body and be attracted to my heart but he just couldn’t do it.  He went on to assume I would be devastated with him not wanting to date me and for that, he was truly sorry.  Stopped me in my tracks.
My response?  Well, it went something like this:
So, you’re saying that you don’t want to date me because of how I look? Well, you knew what I looked like our first date when you said I was beautiful, and the second and the third.  But that’s fine.  I’m a lot stronger than you give me credit for.  Anyway, I’d rather have a man fall in love with the size of my heart than the size of my ass!  Good luck finding the perfect woman!
It was a little harsh.  Obviously I didn’t pray before I sent it.  A friend of mine said I should have told him, “Well I fell for you because you had a great body but your heart stinks!”  (giggle) 
As the day went on, the weight of his words became a burdensome yoke on my shoulders.  Honestly, I could care less that Pilot Bob didn’t want to date me. It was the reasons he gave that stripped my armor.  Realizing what the enemy was doing, I began to pray.  I ended up writing Pilot Bob one last message that went something like this:
I promise I’m not a crazy stalker chick who is going to keep trying to make contact.  This WILL be my last communication.  You know the saying honesty is the best policy? Yeah… not so much.  I’m fine that you don’t want to date me.  We can’t really help who we are attracted to.  What I am upset about is that you made me doubt the woman God has created me to be that is not acceptable.  Say that you aren’t ready.  Say that you just don’t think we are compatible.  Say anything other than "you aren’t good enough".  You have a daughter.  How would you feel if a man told her what you told me? Better yet, how do you think she would feel being told that? 
I wasn’t expecting a response from Pilot Bob and I never received one. 
I had equipped myself to safeguard my heart and my mind.  Even in doing so, the enemy focused on the one thing I have always struggled with most.  That’s how wars are won.  Finding the opponents weakness and striking when they are most vulnerable.  But here is the twist. THIS war has already been won!  I already have victory!  So, maybe my armor has a few more dents.  Am I going to let this destroy me?  No way.  Those dents … they’re just battle scars of a warrior princess. 
And to be clear, this was NOT  male-bashing.  I know that there are GREAT men out there! I believe that they are all already taken but I could be wrong! (insert laughter)
Be blessed and remember to be a blessing!


  1. Wow! Your writing is still worthy of awards. You're amazing. Why are we not writing books together making millions?
    I see so much of your journey as I look at the battle scars of my own armor. Some of it was humorous, like meeting those men that used the one picture they had from a company Christmas party taken in low light so you didn't notice they had a wandering eye on the left side and they just happen to be wearing their best shirt that night three years ago for their profile pic on When you meet them you wonder if you're actually being Punked! Those were the twilight dates. Then there were the ones that actually made you think something could happen, there could be something there, and BAM! the rug gets pulled right out from under you.
    I love that you sent the second message to Pilot Bob. He is surely humbled now. I was and I didn't even say it! Reading this post makes me feel strong and secure in the woman God created me to be. I have to learn to love her so I can expect to get love in return. That is what God meant for us to have. You get yours girl! You fissin' to! I love you! Sissy

  2. Oh Lori,
    I could so here that as if you were personally telling me. I know it was horrible but I couldn't help being amused. I guess because we share a lot of the same feelings. Yes, there are some characters out there! And even wonderful marriages turn awful even after 30 years. Sweety, you have no choice but to wait upon the Lord. So many people think you are georgeous, he is the loser in this. What a jerk! Lucky you. You know what I meant by that. The Lord was watching over you.