Thursday, November 4, 2010

I Love Fall! I just need to remind myself to get back up sometimes...

Fall is, without a doubt, my favorite time of year.  The colors, the cool crisp air, the smells all around, the way the wind dances with my hair… it all just brings the sweetest joy to my heart.  It’s ironic, really.  I should be downing a bottle of Prozac and hibernating for the next 3 months.  Every major tragedy that I have experienced in my life has occurred in the autumn months.  The three most damaging to my heart being: the sudden death of my father, the passing of my 6 year old nephew who was diagnosed with leukemia and tragically caught a virus that his little body couldn’t fight off, and the day my husband came home from work and announced that he was leaving.  It would seem that on the “tragedy scale”, the loss of my dad and nephew wouldn’t even compare to my husband leaving! Losing them would be way worse, right?   
There is a wonderful moment in the movie P.S. I Love You that puts it all in perspective.  Holly is mourning the loss of her husband. In a heated conversation with her mother, Holly tells her mother that she couldn’t possible understand how she feels.

Holly: My husband died. He was taken. He didn't wanna go, he didn't wanna leave.

Her mother: Yes, my husband wanted to leave. And it's so much easier
being abandoned by choice, is it?


Perspective.
The tears fallen over my dad and Casey were so full of sorrow and they still fall from time to time.  But there is a peace in knowing that it’s only a temporary separation.
Maybe some of you will understand when I say there is no word in any language that can appropriately describe the feeling of your husband, the man you love and gave your heart to, walking over you (literally) as he walked out the door.  It changed my life.  It changed the lives of my children.  We were thrown onto a course that I NEVER imagined we would be traveling on.  But here we are and we are making the best of it!
So, you would think fall would be a dreaded time for me.  (Keep in mind I only listed the top three tragedies).
I guess it’s just another reflection of God’s love. Even through the worst times in our life, if we look beyond our brokenness, God’s beauty remains.  His Word is true and firm.  The leaves still change and the wind still dances with my hair.   
It’s been over three years since I became a single mom.  LOTS of healing and growing!  Writing (a passion of mine) has played an intricate part of the healing process.  Recently my life has become a little more interesting as I stepped back into the bazaar world of dating.  My friends and family have enjoyed the paths this insane life has taken me!  So what better way to get through all my moments of bittersweet insanity than to write about it!  I promise if you follow me on this journey, there will never be a dull moment!  And maybe… just maybe… we’ll all learn a little something.
Be BLESSED!!! And don't forget to be a blessing!

7 comments:

  1. Can't wait to read the rest of the story as God unfolds it sister!! Keep on Keeping on!! Much Love to you in Jesus Holy Ghost Girl!! :)

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  2. you made me think of how some choose to leave God- how that must hurt him so.
    you are the strongest woman i know, Glory Lori!

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  3. I would love to follow your path to growing joy and peace--to hear how many ways God uses to bless you and yours. Love ya!

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  4. I would love to follow you and your sweet journey with the babies and enjoy your walk with the Lord! I love you so much and I'm very proud of the woman you have become!

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  5. Hey Lori. We love you very much. I know we don't get to get together as much as we should, but we are still thinking of you and praying for you. I think. No, I know Papa Tony would be sooo proud of the woman and mother you have become. You have had great living examples. Much love from Mike and Wanda.

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  6. Funny how even our tragedies coincide with one another (at least our top three). We are so "TA". That was our Daddy that died the day before my little girl's first birthday, 19 years ago. And that was my little boy that died September 29th 2007, just 17 days after he was diagnosed. And I remember talking to your husband at my son's funeral who said he had no intentions of ever leaving his family. What was it a week later he was gone? Two years later, in my own marriage... well, there's always someone a little healthier than you out there huh? A little less depressed about losing their child. The grass is always greener when Satan makes it look that way to fit your deepest needs. But, God prevails in Love. God knows that that needs saving. He knows what can be rescued and what brings us true joy rather than temporary "happiness" which always a selfish motivator. No matter how long your journey, or mine, we're in it together and we always have God. He alone is our portion. I love you Chloe. Love, Sissy

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