Fall is, without a doubt, my favorite time of year. The colors, the cool crisp air, the smells all around, the way the wind dances with my hair… it all just brings the sweetest joy to my heart. It’s ironic, really. I should be downing a bottle of Prozac and hibernating for the next 3 months. Every major tragedy that I have experienced in my life has occurred in the autumn months. The three most damaging to my heart being: the sudden death of my father, the passing of my 6 year old nephew who was diagnosed with leukemia and tragically caught a virus that his little body couldn’t fight off, and the day my husband came home from work and announced that he was leaving. It would seem that on the “tragedy scale”, the loss of my dad and nephew wouldn’t even compare to my husband leaving! Losing them would be way worse, right?
There is a wonderful moment in the movie P.S. I Love You that puts it all in perspective. Holly is mourning the loss of her husband. In a heated conversation with her mother, Holly tells her mother that she couldn’t possible understand how she feels.
Holly: My husband died. He was taken. He didn't wanna go, he didn't wanna leave.
Her mother: Yes, my husband wanted to leave. And it's so much easier
being abandoned by choice, is it?
The tears fallen over my dad and Casey were so full of sorrow and they still fall from time to time. But there is a peace in knowing that it’s only a temporary separation.
Maybe some of you will understand when I say there is no word in any language that can appropriately describe the feeling of your husband, the man you love and gave your heart to, walking over you (literally) as he walked out the door. It changed my life. It changed the lives of my children. We were thrown onto a course that I NEVER imagined we would be traveling on. But here we are and we are making the best of it!
So, you would think fall would be a dreaded time for me. (Keep in mind I only listed the top three tragedies).
I guess it’s just another reflection of God’s love. Even through the worst times in our life, if we look beyond our brokenness, God’s beauty remains. His Word is true and firm. The leaves still change and the wind still dances with my hair.
It’s been over three years since I became a single mom. LOTS of healing and growing! Writing (a passion of mine) has played an intricate part of the healing process. Recently my life has become a little more interesting as I stepped back into the bazaar world of dating. My friends and family have enjoyed the paths this insane life has taken me! So what better way to get through all my moments of bittersweet insanity than to write about it! I promise if you follow me on this journey, there will never be a dull moment! And maybe… just maybe… we’ll all learn a little something.Be BLESSED!!! And don't forget to be a blessing!